Photo by Iryna Skavronska
It was a casual conversation with my 10-year-old daughter and we were discussing inherited traits, something she is learning in science class this year. And I happened to relate an incident from work.
In the middle of a very long meeting, people had started standing, walking, or stretching their legs. I was looking at the projector screen when I suddenly became aware that there was a colleague standing behind me. Instinctively, I shifted a little to the side to give way to him before it struck me. At just 5’2”, I was barely tall enough to block a tall person’s view, and he could have easily seen the screen from behind me.
I immediately turned to my colleague, gestured to say what I’d realised, that it was unnecessary for me to move after all. And we both laughed.
When I told this story to my daughter, she was surprised at my reaction. She couldn’t understand why I would, by being so open, bring attention to a “weaker” trait of mine.
We laughed about it, of course; it was meant to be a light-hearted chat. But then I couldn’t resist asking her: Don’t you think it would have taken an immense amount of another trait of mine to point it out to my colleague, and also laugh about it?
She paused. Then she said, “You mean confidence?”
I realised at that moment that in the middle of our playful discussion, we had accidentally made an important connection.
About a year ago, I shared my journey in tech at the Women in API event. Among the positive feedback, one comment that stayed with me was from an experienced voice in the room. “Wow, you were so vulnerable up there.”
I wasn’t sure then whether it was good or bad.
Looking back now, I see it very clearly. In that moment, vulnerability did not weaken my message. It landed well because it was backed by confidence, self-awareness and intent.
We often hear industry experts and thought leaders talk about vulnerability. But many of us wonder, how about us?
Societal norm dictates that vulnerability can:
- be exploited
- be misread as insecurity
- backfire without trust or context
But at its best, vulnerability can:
- create connection - the very openness can bring people closer and allow for positive engagement
- support learning and growth - the fact that we’re able to see limitations realistically creates an opportunity to seek more
- show maturity and self-awareness - it takes a quiet strength to reach that level of openness
- foster authenticity - awareness, when supported by a positive environment, reinforces confidence over time
What stayed with me from that conversation is how naturally my daughter understood the risks of openness, even if she didn’t have the right words for it. But I’m glad we took the accidental opportunity to bring home the idea:
Vulnerability lands well when and only when backed by confidence and intention.